Los Angeles Times columnist Bill Plaschke covers the waterfront in his latest column demanding that the Dodgers not trade Matt Kemp (to the Padres or anybody else).

Mock the new front office? Check: “But these out-of-towners are running the baseball operations in Chavez Ravine these days, they don’t yet know the pulse of the dugout, they haven’t learned the heartbeat of the clubhouse, and they just might need a little advice. So listen up, new guys. You don’t trade Matt Kemp.”

Questionable Facts? Check: “You don’t trade the one man whose bat can change the complexion of the team from beige to red. You don’t trade the one guy who can transform the lineup from stilted to swaggering.”

Dump on Yasiel Puig? Check: “And, of course, you don’t trade the only guy willing to publicly call out Yasiel Puig during the middle of a game, but that’s another story.”

And that’s all in the first six paragraphs.